It is the greatest privilege to be able to write and second greatest to be able to write for an audience. Today, I have three hundred ten subscribers on Substack. Last week, I got my first paid subscriber. It feels amazing and a tad scary. Substack is more than an Instagram story. I can post a photo of a heart shaped potato chip and get three hundred views, but many people mindlessly tap through Instagram stories. Three hundred ten people signed up to read what I have to say, that’s a whole other ball game.

I can’t say that I never imagined that three hundred ten people reading my writing, but I couldn’t have predicted how it would feel. I can send out a message and reach three hundred ten people immediately. That’s power. I chose my college based on wanting to be a writer and I’ve already accomplished my goal of being a writer thanks to y’all on Substack.

I have been writing since I learned how to write. My first story that I remember writing was about candy canes traveling up the Christmas tree to meet the star atop the Christmas tree. Since then, maybe like second grade, I’ve been writing. The first Substack post I made caused a stir in my personal relationship but since then, I’ve learned to have a bit more class in how I post about my personal life and the people in it. (Although you don’t have to be class while being abused, but it’s a good practice to avoid being weird [I have been weird before]).

It was titled “Cathexis.” A word that I learned from bell hooks that kind of means obsession and certainly doesn’t mean love. I published first on Substack because I want to scream out and be heard. I wasn’t being heard in my relationship. I was being yelled at for not liking their haircut. Making the first Substack post was a desperate attempt to find my voice while in an abusive relationship. I didn’t go about it the right way because again abusive relationship. I was on a variety of medications Abilify, Lamictal, Trazodone, Lexapro. It was leading into 2023: The Year I Spiraled Out of Control.

More horrendous things happened that year, and I detailed some of it on Substack in the past. Will detail more of it in the future. Somewhere along the way I developed the opposite of an individuality complex. I knew abuse, racism in dating, hypersexualization, racism in general, wasn’t just happening to be. It was happening to other people and I didn’t want to be a voice for them. I wanted to voice my own concerns so someone somewhere can corroborate the story. Be it mine, theirs, or the collective’s.

My Substack has blossomed into much more than a victim’s narrative (although that’s valid too!) And I’m very blessed and grateful for all the support that I have been given as I’ve tried to find my voice and perspective. It was always my dream to have a blog every since I was a little girl and y’all have helped my dreams come true.

With everlasting love,

Saturn Johnson

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We’ll be back to the regularly scheduled programming on Wednesday with “The Intellectual Pursuit of Lesbianism.” Oh and happy pride!